I'm very sad to report that 10,000 Takes own Journalist Jake has a horrible addiction. I'm not sure when it started but lately, his problem has gotten out of control. Ladies and Gentlemen, Journalist Jake is addicted to Cougars.
The highly accredited Urban Dictionary defines a Cougar as, "A 35+ year old female who is on the "hunt" for a much younger, energetic, willing-to-do-anything male. The cougar can frequently be seen in a padded bra, cleavage exposed, propped up against a swanky bar in San Francisco (or Minneapolis) waiting, watching, calculating; gearing up to sink her claws into an innocent young and strapping buck who happens to cross her path".
Every weekend, Journalist Jake bombards members of the Take with Snapchat's of him with women who have 20+ years on him. These women are aggressive, they are fierce, and they won't take no for an answer. Before we have any time to save him he's hopping into an Uber with Mertle (or whatever the fuck her name is).
It's important to point out that these aren't Milfs or like Stiffler's Mom, if they were this wouldn't be nearly as big of a problem. These are women who are looking to find some of that young beef jerky and will ruin your life along the way. Once a pair of 50+-year-old women forced their way into 23-year-old Journalist Jake's car and demanded he take them home. Spoiler alert... Jake didn't say no.
I don't know what to do to get through to him. I've tried telling him that one man's cougar is another man's grandmother, but it didn't work. I once tried turning on all the lights in my car so he could see a Cougar with appropriate lighting, but it STILL didn't work. Bossman has even noted that Cougars have been distracting Jake and slowing the pace of his content. Jake is just too nice to say no, and once the liquor takes him, he's open season for any and all Cougars.
Jake buddy, we love you and only want the best for you. Not only am I here for you but so is everyone at the Take. We just want our friend back.