BASEBALL IS BACK AND THE TWINS HAVE A CAKEWALK TO THE PLAYOFFS
Picture this, you're 9 years old. You and your friends walk to the nearest toy store to spend an afternoon goofing off in the store and maybe you get yourself a toy. But when you show up, the door is closed. The only person is a homeless looking man who looks down on you and sneers "GET OUT OF HERE, THERE WILL BE NO MORE TOYS HERE THIS YEAR". "Whoa," you think to yourself, "that old guy's breath stinks. And I really want a toy." So you head down the street and see this Korean toy store. And you go in. The toys are very similar, but just not as good. And the store is only open from like 5am to 9am. So that stinks. But overall it's very nice, and it fills the void. They even have a toy with the exact same name as your favorite toy from the other toy store. And each day, you pass by the original toy store and the homeless man keeps ranting at you about how there's no toys still. Eventually you start to think that the toy store probably is closed for the year after all, but you still keep checking in. Then one day, the homeless guy isn't there. So you walk up to the store to peep in and as you get closer the door opens, so you cautiously walk in when suddenly sirens start blaring and lights start flashing and there's confetti everywhere and HOLY SHIT YOU JUST WON A FREE TOY SHOPPING SPREE ANYTHING YOU CAN GRAB IS YOURS TO KEEP FOREVER AND YOU THOUGHT YOU'D BE STUCK WITH THE KOREAN TOYS FOREVER AND THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN FINE BECAUSE YOU REALLY ENJOYED THEM FOR WHAT THEY WERE BUT IT JUST WASN'T THE SAME BUT NOW YOUR MAIN TOY STORE IS BACK AND THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF YOUR LIFE BECAUSE YOU'RE NINE AND DON'T HAVE BILLS YET!
That, dear readers, is how I feel right now after it was announced earlier today that Baseball is coming back and there is a set start date. So without further adieu...
PLAY BALL, BABY! IT'S MLBPA OFFICIAL!
With training camp set to begin (again) July 1st it is time. to. get. fucking. HYPE!!!! Seriously, the Twins took a 100 win roster, added another awesome bat to an already stacked, record setting offense (sup, Josh Donaldson, War Eagle), added at least one decent arm to the rotation, some good bullpen guys, and didn't really have any major losses.
The 2020 iteration of the Bomba Squad is gonna be ridiculously good. On top of that, the baseball gods knew Minnesota needed a break, and boy did they give us one with this schedule format. If you're not aware, the 2020 MLB season will be 60 games. All teams play 10 games against each of their division rivals, and 4 games against their cross league division opponents. That means the Twins (and the rest of the AL Central) will all have 4 games against the NL Central.
I don't think it's hyperbole to say that the Twins will finish with the best record in baseball. A third of our games are against bottom feeders, and another third of our games are against teams who can only beat the previously mentioned bottom. And I'm not even talking shit, this is all backed up by cold hard math!
I love this. This is what we've all been waiting for. Sports will be back in ONE MONTH. Sorry Korean Baseball, I still love you, I'm forever grateful for the time we spent together and I will continue to watch you whenever I'm up at 5:30 in the morning... but we both know you were always the rebound while I waited for the MLB to take me back (read: get its shit together)
Obviously we don't know exactly what order the games will be played in, but it seems like it's a safe bet that the AL divisional games will be played in 5 game home-and-home series to eliminate travel. And I'd imagine they probably line up 2 of the NL divisional teams back to back to have consecutive home and home series, to minimize risk of exposure to Coronavirus during travel. And I say, that's perfect. Gets us in playoff shape throughout the season.
I'm not sure what I'm most excited for...making my wife watch all 60 games + the incredible playoff run that's about to happen as payback for all of The Bachelor I've watched? Watching the Bomba Squad somehow break their HR record again despite having 100 fewer games? Jose Bérríos not getting tired and falling apart in August? All of the above, baby! The excitement dwelling deep inside me for this season is like what I imagine would happen if a girl gets set up on a blind date and all she knows is the guys name is Chris and it turns out to be Hemsworth and not D'Elia.
My humble predictions? The Twins go 47-13 and win the AL Central in what will go down as the strangest baseball season, maybe ever. Byron Buxton plays all 60 games and is an MVP candidate. Miguel Sanó leads the AL in homers. And last but not least, Randy Dobnak finishes the season with a 5.0 Uber rating and a 1.0 ERA.