You may have already heard the big news. Everyone's favorite food challenge second place finisher has put his troubled legal past behind him and he owes it all to yours truly. By the way, check him out tonight at 7:00 PM central for another second place finish. This time he's going to lose to a platter of microwaved hot dogs. For those of you who have been living under a rock, (you definitely live under a rock if you've been missing my blogs) Bubba got himself into a little, well a lot of trouble earlier this spring in the form of a couple felony charges. For those of you from Iowa or Wisconsin, felony charges are what got your uncle and 3 cousins sent to prison. Not good stuff. Although it did finally get them off the meth and heroin so maybe it's not all bad.
Anyways, back to Bubba. We had to find a way to get him out of trouble. There's no way he would have survived in prison. They don't even have pizza rolls there. But never fear, I came up with a strategy almost immediately. That strategy? Why convince the judge Bubba isn't competent to stand trial, of course. And let me tell you, it was easier than I thought. I started explaining that he didn't understand the charges and therefore couldn't assist in his own defense, but halfway through my spiel he started ranting about his sources telling him things, his new model girlfriend, and how it was a fluke that he didn't finish those 120 pizza rolls. The judge quickly realized what we were dealing with and promptly dismissed the case.
After saving Bubba's life was I content to call it a day? Reader, I was not. I was also able to get Bossman's restraining order against Bubba thrown out. You see, Bossman asked for a restraining order against Bubba, but didn't quite get it right. I simply pointed out that Bubba's legal name isn't in fact Bubba and the judge's hand was forced. Restraining order dismissed. Who would have thought Bossman doesn't know his employee's real name. Makes me wonder if Bubba even gets paid for this shit.
It's a good thing I was able to get Bubba's life sorted out for him because he's got another food challenge tonight. He will be attempting to take down more than 20 microwaved hot dogs in a half hour. I don't think he can do it. Apparently Bossman is taking some friendly wagers on it, so if you'd like to bankrupt him, go ahead. Best of luck to Bubba, Bossman, and most importantly, the hot dogs.