My NFL Divisional Round picks are finally in! I was going to write this one earlier today, but the new tobacco laws are fucking me over. I have gotten used to not carrying around my ID when I purchase chew, but since they just raised the minimum age to purchase tobacco to 21, they are carding chew just as aggressively as they do for alcohol. Oh well, I'm here now and I got my picks fired up and ready to go.
First off, let me give you my credentials. As a former offensive lineman I have seen (and smelled) things you wouldn't believe. I have spent my fair share of time battling in the trenches, attending 2 a-days, and drinking vodka with my offensive line coach in his hot tub.
I have a large list of accomplishments:
1. NFL Draft hopeful and University of Minnesota Linebacker Kamal Martin regularly touched my ass in high school (I was his center at Burnsville High)
2. My Dad has been kicked out of several Varsity football games
3. I was offered steroids by a 42-year old after a game in high school
4. My coach nicknamed me "CeeLo Green" because of my ability to be large while still having the voice of an angel.
Now that you know me, it's time for Bubba's NFL Divisional Round picks!
Vikings @ 49ers:
Minnesota is coming off an adrenaline rush of a win and i believe that momentum will carry into this week's game. Jimmy G is too busy on Adult Friend Finder to care about what happens on Saturday.
Titans @ Ravens
The Ravens have been beating the piss out of teams all year long. I do believe they will win Saturday, but it won't be a complete beat down.
Texans @ Chiefs
I believe the Chiefs are destined to win the whole god damn thing this year since the Patriots are out of the picture. JJ Watt is overrated. Yeah, I said it...
Seahawks @ Packers
It hurts me to say this, but the Packers will have a showdown with the Vikings that will determine the true kings of the north. The Seachickens won't be able to beat the Packers in Lambeau.
These NFL Divisional Round picks are straight from my superior mind and you can take THAT to the bank.