Christmas Movies On the Hallmark Channel??

During a time of fear and uncertainty, The Hallmark Channel is doubling down on the boldest call since Pete Carol decided to throw the ball on the 5 yard line... in the fucking Super Bowl. Bold movie Pete:


Via Los Angeles Times:

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas as brands and civilians continue searching for something — anything — to spark cheer during the coronavirus pandemic. The holiday season is coming several months early to the Hallmark Channel, which has scheduled an impromptu Christmas movie marathon beginning Friday and ending Sunday. Known and beloved for their cheesy and predictable plots, the feel-good films are meant to be a beacon of hope in these unsettling times.


Coming from a man who has watched a questionably high number of Hallmark Holiday movies (lets go down that wormhole another day), this seems like a stupid move by Hallmark. So believe me when I say this will 100% get old by Friday night. Wanna know why? Because all of these mid-budget films have the sammmeeee damn plot plotline:


We start off with a man who works a lot, traveling on a popular cross-country route during Christmas eve: New York to L.A., vise versa, Chicago to L.A, etc... Following that all the flights get canceled thanks to some natural disaster and a rental car seems to be the only option. "Hey Mom, I'll just drive through the night, I'll be there by Christmas dinner, I promise!"...


The drive is going great until our main character realizes his reliable rental car has suffered an unfortunate breakdown in a small town along the way. And who is there to save the day? The family of his future soulmate, how convenient! And after some struggle and conflict, the two fall in love! In a world without teleportation, the two make it home in record time.


Following that our main character shows up on Mama's door with a random woman. And what does she do? Opens the door to her door to her son and a stranger. Fuck it, it's Christmas right? Even if this woman is a hooker she's welcome in this home for tonight!


Yeah it a hot take, I get it. But I feel like we just got out of this time of year, and I think people deserve a 300+ day break from this shit. Its March, we can't watch basketball, but I'm putting the Hallmark movies on hold for 8+ months. Thats it.


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