I Am The Worst Sports Gambler of All Time

If you think someone else is worse, they probably aren't.

To give you the whole story, let's follow this shit train since the day it left the station to its destination of inevitable doom.

Back in August, a fellow 10,000 Takes Writer, Peter Sauve convinced me to throw a few dollars here and there on some Fanduel games. It's only a few dollars a game, and you are only betting on players. Harmless right? It was nothing more than what I enjoyed doing week by week in fantasy football. On top of that, I thought I had the willpower to fight an inevitable addiction and I was about 92% sure that I wasn't going to be one of those degenerates who spends his entire Sunday sweating out the moneyline on a 7-8 Tampa Bay Buccaneers vs a 6-9 Atlanta Falcons. And to my surprise, here I am only 3 months later. Doing exactly that.

Losing isn't even the worst part, it's when you start winning that the real danger approaches. A simple 3 player entry into Fanduel (Diggs, Cousins, Wilson) lead to an $86 profit, which gave me the confidence to reinvest that into the big leagues.

I put the money into Bovada.com, a beautiful (and slightly sketchy) offshore betting site that allows people in ANY STATE to place legal wagers on sporting events, casino games, and all sorts of other shit that scum like me drool over.

Winning is DANGEROUS. When you are hot, you have a level of confidence that can be abused in a matter of seconds. All logic goes straight out the window because you believe that you are some fucking golden child that has all the right answers. Especially if you can successfully pick a huge upset. It's the worst thing that can happen to a human being.

Anyways, I was putting some decent cash in Bovada and I was winning good money. Spreads, moneylines, parlays, I was on top of the world. Until I wasn't.

I typically stay away from betting on Minnesota Sports. They aren't trustworthy and they are famous for losing to stupid teams. A trap game is highly likely, no matter what sport it is (except the Lynx and the Saints). But for some really really really really stupid reason, I had full confidence that the Gophers would kick the Badger's ass in football. After having a few Grainbelts at Blarney's, I was quoted in a video saying "Pick the Gopher's +3.5, if you are into sports betting and like free money, I would bet the Gopher's today". Goldenchild Jack thought he had all the answers... What a stupid decision that was.

And that decision lead to many other stupid decisions. I haven't won a single bet since the Gopher football team beat Northwestern on November 23rd. To give my Twitter followers some depressingly funny entertainment (at my own expense), I tracked every loss in what might be the coldest chain of events since the invention of dry ice, or the creation of Antartica by God. So here is what's left. Enjoy:

And this was just the beginning. I decided to keep it going. I quoted every tweet where I was confident it was going to end so that my followers could see my path of destruction in plain sight:

Couldn't get a win on Christmas day. I wanted a miracle, but got coal instead.... Thanks Santa

Below is a prime example of what I deserve for having confidence. NEVER underestimate a cold streak. Just pray for a near ending:

I don't give a shit what anyone says, the picks below were smarter than the brains of the 10 best analysts ever COMBINED. The losing streak just had more power than I thought. More power than statistical reason:

Seattle was short from a game winning touchdown by 3 FUCKING INCHES... Thats how close I was from ending it. It's almost funny that I was that close but still couldn't pick the winning team. Unreal.

To put this ongoing thread in perspective (far from an end), I gave a 5 star explanation on the terrible events that have occurred:

All I know is that once I win a game, I'm going to get HOT. Quite possibly hotter than the sun. Bovada will have to shut down my account on the accusations of cheating, hacking, or possibly abuse of time travel. I don't know when that day will come, but its the only thing that keeps me dumping money into this soul sucking hobby of mine (not an addiction)

Follow the chain and my twitter @BossmanLevy

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