Normally this blog would be a joke, it sounds like clickbait or some sort of silly narrative that I created to make a funny story. But it isn't. It's the full blown truth.
When I read this tweet from Adam Schefter, I had to wash my eyeballs inside and out to confirm that what I just read was real:
Either Adam Schefter was really anxious to get this news out before anyone else, forgetting to proofread it... or he's the smartest god damn analyst to ever do it. Because he knew that people would share this on every corner of the internet. And honestly, it's the funniest thing I have read in 2020 so far.
Even though I am not his alleged "source"... I know exactly what happened at this sleepover.
Lets start off by saying this was no "sleepover". There isn't a doubt in my mind that Mike McCarthy is full-blown moved in to Jerry Jone's house in Dallas. He has already hung up his Aaron Rodgers dartboard next to his bed. The bookshelf in the corner of his room is already packed with playbooks that contain 89 pages of different screen passes to run on 3rd and 18. And you can find his 4 family sized bags of frozen chicken wings on the third shelf of the freezer in the garage.
To celebrate, the two men popped a bottle of champagne, re-watched the 1993 Super Bowl where the Cowboys defeated the 49ers 30-20, and ended the night by listening to "We Dem Boyz" by Wiz Khalifa on repeat for 34 minutes.
The Awkward part in all of this? Mike's new room in Jerry's house is located in the basement. Right across the hall from Jason Garrett's. Which means they have to share the bathroom....
I would suspect that the bathroom schedule shouldn't be an issue though. Now that Jason Garrett doesn't have a job, he can sleep in. Plus, he has the time to catch up on that long list of Jerry's house chores that he's been meaning to get to. The 3rd black Range Rover needs an oil change, Dak Prescott's shrine needs to be dusted/polished, and the hedges that surround the guest house are getting awfully overgrown.
And the saddest part in this whole story that no one considers Jason's feelings in all this. He cried himself to sleep after the image of Jerry giving Mike "The look" for this first time was playing over and over in his head. Jerry already removed Jason as his emergency contact, cropped him out of his Facebook profile picture, and gave Mike one of his spots in the garage. I can't even imagine the pain that comes with all of this.
Now that you know the backstory, the tweet makes a lot more sense now, right? I just hope that Jerry doesn't come home one day to find all of his silk pajama suits in the front yard (that is a perfectly trimmed and double cut Cowboys logo). What would be even worse is if Jason tries to claim full-custody over the 3 pure bread German Shepherds that were named after all of their favorite plays, because that would be worse media attention than their entire dumpster fire of a season this year.