First of all, it is extremely hot. I may be way out of shape, but I don't usually sweat while typing. I hope you all had a good week and are enjoying your slow return to normal life, but, based on the emails I received, you all seem like the same miserable pricks you were last week. If you've got a question your brain can't handle, send it to email@example.com and I'll tackle it for you. This week we've got questions about food, fun facts, and inside info on the 10k staff. On to the submissions.
Ian (Grundy Center, IA)
How does the internet work?
I had to google this guy's town. Its real. Someone at some point was trying to name their city and they came up with "Grundy Center." It's in Iowa so I guess the person who named it gets points for honesty. Anyways Ian, I am not surprised to find that someone from down in Hawkeye country doesn't know how the internet works. You've come to the right place. Grab a note pad because you're about to be educated and if you grew up down in Grundy Center, this might very well be the first time ever. The internet is, at its core, a very simple operation. Its just a series of tubes that connects all of our computers. Our computers simply shout into the tubes at each other. Now you know.
Will (Bel Air)
Is cereal a kind of soup?
I had to email this guy back and ask if he was the fresh prince. Unfortunately, he is not. He's from the way less cool Bel Air, which is located in Maryland. My gut says yes, cereal is a kind of soup, assuming you mean when the milk has been poured over it. Which is by the way the correct way to do things. If you're pouring the milk in the bowl first, you're out of your mind and absolutely doing it wrong. Seek professional help.
Cereal and soup have all the same components right? Solid food floating in liquid, eaten out of a bowl with a spoon. Seems right to me. I know milk isn't technically a broth, but anyone who wants to get that technical probably doesn't read my stupid mailbag anyways now do they. Checkmate, I win. Cereal is a cold breakfast soup. Anyone who tells you different is either lying or part of some stupid conspiracy.
What items could you buy together that would make a cashier the most uncomfortable?
As someone who worked as a cashier for a short period of time in High School, you would think I would have many good answers to this. Alas, I do not. You see, I didn't pay any attention to the customers or what they were buying. I just wanted them to pay for their shit and get out of my line so I could get back to reading a magazine or fucking around on my phone or whatever else it is good employees do.
That being said, this question depends entirely upon the type of store we're shopping in, right? For example, if you're at one of those stores that is a combo grocery store/pharmacy, you can't go wrong with a carrot, a banana, a cucumber, and a 3 pack of condoms. However, if you're at a big box hardware store, duct tape, rubber gloves, a knife or axe, a shovel, and a bunch of candy from the register should do the trick.
For bonus points, try returning the carrot, banana, and cucumber to the same cashier an hour later. I'm sure I've missed some excellent combo of items. Send them to me in the comments below or on twitter.
Chance (Red Wing)
Do you know any ridiculous fun facts?
I know a lot of ridiculous stuff. Not sure if you'd classify any of it as fun. I don't know if it's still a law, but in North Dakota they had a law that made it illegal to idle your vehicle if you weren't in it. Those idiots effectively made it illegal to auto start a vehicle in a state where it's freezing ass cold most of the time.
I also know that I share a birthday with Chris Evans despite me being far better looking than he is. Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, Kat Dennings, and well-known snitch Tim Allen also share my birthday. If you're looking to get me a gift, I like yachts, Bugatti cars, and cheap beer.
Of all the fun facts I know, there are perhaps none more fun than, Justin Holl scored his first goal of the 2013-2014 season to win the Frozen Four semifinal against North Dakota with 0.6 seconds left. Oh except for Omaha isn't a real place. That's the most fun fact.
Kirk (not Cousins) (Waite Park)
If you were put in an insane asylum, how would you convince them to let you out?
This is a trick question. I wouldn't do anything. You can't tell me the world we are currently living in is any worse than an insane asylum. Hell, I bet the people in the asylum are nicer.
In all seriousness, I would take a page out of Ron Swanson's book and simply write myself a permit to leave.
Best Question of the Bag
Who is the biggest douche bag at 10,000 Takes?
Not sure if I've mentioned this before, but you can submit questions anonymously, if you so choose. This is the easiest question that's been submitted to date. The answer is obviously me. None of these other clowns can hold a candle to me. Not as bloggers, content creators, handsome gentlemen, and definitely not as douche bags. Except of course AB, when it comes to candles. He can in fact hold a candle to me, figuratively speaking, but only with regard to his candle enthusiasm. I'm simply the best at everything else, no matter what you heard from JJ and Bubba.
If you've got a burning question, shoot it to firstname.lastname@example.org and I may take a shot at answering it. If not, better luck next time.