BREAKING: Credit to CNN
It's happening, it's not the apocalypse, it's not the end of the world, it's much worse. Scooters. Yeah thats right. And they aren't just those razor scooters that used to be the kryptonite to your ankles, they have technology in them.
While walking in Downtown Minneapolis the other day, I counted at least two scooters per block. Sometimes there would be four of them nicely lined up next to one another outside of a coffee shop or a popular bar. Other times, there would be one sitting in the middle of the fucking sidewalk, which makes me wonder why someone decided to hop off at that exact spot.
Apparently the way it works is you go on the app, locate the closest scooter, pay a dollar, and off you go, riding like a reckless teenager. Seems like the perfect eco-friendly way to get around an urban area right? Some people would disagree.
Try not to laugh watching this video (I bet you will)
Here are the questions that come to mind when I think about the scooters:
1. If I don't even have the app, how would they know if I damage it? As the video shows, it's not like these things are cemented to the ground until you pay, so anyone can just take it and do whatever they want. If I yeet one of these things off a parking ramp or light it on fire, how will they know it was me?
2. What happens when they become self-aware? You think these things are harmless, but when machine learning takes over, are we safe? I can see it now, you're sitting in traffic on a slow afternoon and... BAM! Three Lime scooters come flying through your windows. And they aren't happy.
3. Can you get a DUI on a Scooter? I'm assuming this one is a yes, but I feel like it's much more convenient for a drunk person to take this to Taco Bell at 3 A.M. then pay for a $40 Uber in a surge zone.
With that, I'm not sure what the future holds for the scooter in our city. In the meantime, lets enjoy some pictures of how people are using them in innovative ways:
You just can't make this shit up.