• Bossman

Shut Up Michael Thomas

I'm going to start off by saying that no one respects Michael Thomas more than me. He is an extremely talented football player and stats show that he was one the best receivers in the league this year:


But this man is dumb. So dumb to the point where I have to say something.

Listen, I'm not even a Vikings fan. But I genuinely care about my fellow writers along with many of our followers here at The Take. So I'm going to defend their honor and bury Michael Thomas to prove my loyalty:

Let's follow his chain of stupidity and poor chipping one tweet at a time, from the very beginning.

What do you mean thats what y'all get? All the Vikings did was a little friendly shit talking after last week's game. You've been in sports your entire life. This is just a part of the game, and its the best part of the game! Its not like anyone was targeting you or your knees last Sunday (unlike 2009 when your dirtbag coach made dirtbag decisions). You got beat, and its obvious you're still salty about it.

First off, amazing usage of spacing and grammar. I would bet that over 80% of 12 year olds in the United States could have composed that tweet better... yet you are the one who has the voice and carries the influence in this world... wonderful.

"I don't think anyone got more than 1 catch." If you were smart enough to use Google before you tweeted this, you would have found that Diggs had two catches (one of them was a touchdown). Which in fact, was two more catches AND one more touchdown than you had last night @cantgaurdmike.

Hell, even the Viking's center had a reception off of a bobbled pass. Which statistically tops your second round playoff stats Mike, A CENTER. Sad!

You still got 7 catches with that broken hand though. Would you like a cookie or a small parade for that? Do you know how many other athletes (mostly NHL players) have battled through worse injuries in even bigger games than just the first round of the playoffs? A lot, and they didn't say shit about it. Because they know that it's just part of the game.

I think I lost 2 years of my education when I read that first sentence. He wasn't even close to getting it right. I mean he missed this completely. Trust me, I know I have bad grammar, but this tweet makes me sound like a god damn SCHOLAR.

"We had a head start goofy". Interesting spin on losing to the team that just got killed on national TV. I have some bad news for you about that attempted chirp Mikey... When a team like the Vikings plays that bad, it means that your team is even worse. Because you lost to them. If you think that its a good thing to be the first team to the couch, than I'm confused why you're even mad in the first place... "goofy"

You wanna know what should be cut off? You, because there's no way you weren't hammered when you tweeted this.

I'll tell you one thing, according to the numbers. Garage time yards do count! Even if you are losing in the end of the fourth quarter. But you wouldn't know anything about that because you weren't even playing, you were sitting on the couch using all 3 of your brain cells to try and figure out how to turn off caps lock on your keyboard.

So thats it. I didn't want to bury Michael Thomas, he's a great football player. But last night he crossed the line, and everything he said was far too stupid for me not to comment on. Unfortunately due to the character limit I wasn't able to tweet all of this... But if I had a one line response to Mikey??

Shut up bitch.

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