The great Minnesota get together. If you a real Minnesotan, this is one of the best times of the year. Food, beer, rides (if your into that shit), and a variety of live entertainment. The annual fair set an all-time record in 2019 with attendance of over 2.1 million people during the 11 days. I always enjoy seeing the stats following the fair. How many people attended it? Which vendor made the most money? How many people died of a food related illness? (Kidding). But there are always stats that go uncollected that I am dying to know as the average fair goer.
1. How many Dads are in attendance?
If you think about it, the Minnesota State Fair is a paradise for the average Dad. It is one of the best places to play the "Hey honey, I'm gonna get in line for the bathroom" and then proceed to hit the beer stand. It features a variety of game day styled foods that taste much better than the nachos you make out of the microwave. There are also a handful of activities to keep your kids busy, heck if you play your cards right, you could come home with a brand new zero-turn lawn mower or even a hot tub. On top of all of that, Mom is happy because there is a stand that gives out free wine slushies. Everybody wins.
2. How much money does the average person spend on one day at the fair?
As much as I love the fair, its large expenditure for a guy like me. If you don't buy your tickets ahead of time, you're already $16.00 behind just to get in the door. I bought the "Chocolate Chip Cookie Beer", and it was just a shitty dark beer with chocolate chips lined around the rim for $10.00. Veteran fair attenders know what's good and what's a scam, but people like me who haven't been there in four years will throw their money at anything that sounds good. With that being said, I would really like to know how much the average person spends there a day. Shit adds up fast.
3. How many people get full-blown drunk at the fair?
When I was a kid, I never knew people went to the State Fair to drink. Every time I smelled vomit, I just assumed someone had eaten too much before hitting that scary ass slingshot ride. But here I am, recent college grad, 22 year olds old, walking aimlessly around the fair trying to find the cheapest place to buy a 20oz Grain Belt. I had friends who went to the fair this year for five days JUST TO DRINK. When I was walking around I kept asking myself "I wonder how many people actually get drunk here?" We are talking about the kind of guy that watches the yearly calf birth and loudly slurs: "Look at that shit, gross man". All I'm saying is that I'm curious to see how many people get so bombed at the fair that they need to Uber home. Feel free to add me to that list.
4. How much faster could I have made it home if protesters weren't blocking the exits?
Don't get me wrong, I'm all for freedom of speech and having the right to express your opinions. But for the love of God, when I'm drunk, full, and tired of being on my feet all day, please let me leave. I get the effectiveness of protesting at the fair, but you're speaking to an extremely impatient audience that can't stop thinking about how bad the traffic will be when they leave. The only person that has the time to listen is the drunk guy who is waiting for his Uber (as stated above). At that point of my day, words are just words, I'm just thinking about the post-fair hibernation I am about to experience. I already know the answer to this question, just felt the need to go off.
5. How many people have gotten trampled, or have been ran over at the fair?
If you have been to the fair or have seen the pictures of what the streets look like on Saturday of Labor Day weekend, you have witnessed the sea of people that crowd the grounds. It's not a very fast pace, but there is a speed you need to maintain while walking through the crowd to keep up with traffic. On top of that, you have impatient staff workers in golf carts, trollies that are are attempting to transport people for whatever reason, and ambulances that are rushing to the other end of the fair after someone had too much Canadian Poutine. I would be surprised if there wasn't a single person who has been hit or bumped into at the very least. I don't think I would have the patience to drive through a crowd that likes to pretend you aren't right behind them.
The State Fair is a place for everyone. Locals, foreigners, dads, drunk people, etc. For anyone who hasn't been there: 1. You're insane. 2. Make sure you bring plenty of money and have a back-up plan to make it home. Hell maybe next year 10,000 Takes could have a live podcast there, probably not but I'm gonna keep dreaming.