If I really wanted to, I could sit here and talk about Randy Dobnak's statistics and we could have a friendly discussion about how those stats compare to the rest of our bullpin.... Might even be able to make a calculated prediction of his future contribution to the team. But I'm not here to talk about that, I'm here to talk about the real facts and the important things we should be looking at.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say that a guy with a handlebar mustache of this magnitude owns 3 motorcycles MINIMUM. I have friends that have participated in actual mustache competitions around Minnesota and let me tell you, this guy could compete. If I was batting against someone like him, I wouldn't be able to focus on the pitch. I would only be able to imagine the consequences that follow flirting with his daughter, or accidentally bumping into him at a bar. Lets be honest, having the intimidation factor on mound delivers more value for the team than Trevor May's Fortnite skills...
Along with that, he is also a world class Uber driver. According to his Twitter profile, he has been driving Uber/Lyft since October 2017 and has a "4.99/5 rating". Unfortunately most minor league players don't make enough annual income to work one job, so they have to hustle on the side. Over the course of his two years of driving, that's an incredible rating and a stat that shouldn't be overlooked when Baldelli is deciding who should come in at the bottom of the 5th.
Plain and simply put, I don't trust a pitcher with my team if I can't trust him with my life. When it comes time for Playoff season, every pitch counts. Dobnak is not just a sign of safety for the Twins, but a sign of hope that we might be able to make it past the first round of the playoffs. Put him in coach, he's ready to play.